​A few days after I had led a retreat on the feminine side of the absolute, the article : Rueckkehr aus der Tranzendenz by Dr Thomas Wachter came my way.
A wave of compassion arose for these women and for all those who go through similar experiences in their process of self realization and I feel compelled to write a few words.
 
My own big bang awakening happened around 1998, I shared satsang for some years and then crashed. Outer circumstances plummeted me into a huge deep dark hole. Depression, fear and suicide thoughts became my companions for some years, in which I prayed day and night for help. I had no way to understand what had happened to me.
Was awakening not irreversible? Had it not been real then? The anguish I was facing was often unbearable.

My spiritual journey started in 1976 at the red sea in Israel. I felt lost in this world, there was so much pain in and around me, and I had hoped that a trip around the world (on bicycle) would bring a change. Of course the traveling only accentuated that the pain and the restlessness were inside of me.
One day, I saw a big jellyfish lying on the beach and I was looking for the center, for the core of the animal and I could not find it.
Out of nowhere I realized that I also did not have a center, and that it was very important to find that.
At that time I also often mindlessly drew the Möbius sign in the sand (the sign of infinity, or an eight lying on its back).
Without knowing the sign, it evoked a feeling in me that everything was somehow eternally connected.
My energy and attention turned towards the inside.
Of course I had no idea that this was the irrevocable beginning of a life long journey of self discovery.